Saturday, June 11, 2011

Be sad for me...okay?

Because THIS...
...is why I can't have nice things.
They get trashed.

But really, you should be sad for me because the above photo is what my computer currently looks like.

Sad, right?
Sad for me, but also sad for you because technology...and probably one of my charming little germ-infested host-monkey destroy-a-bots...
sassed my monitor up something fierce. 
And now I can't talk up all the crazy junk that I usually go on 
and on 
and on 
and on about.

I'm cut off from the world.
Kind of.
I commandeered a laptop from The Husband's office to finally get a post up and out to you: my very, very, very important blog-peeps.

I miss you.

Although I still have the iPad, 
but I can't blog from  that 
because it's not a full blown computer, now is it? 
When I tried to it threw all this
 java/language/shit-I-don't-know-about in my face.
Talk about a let down.
Curse you and your fancy gadgets Steve Jobs. Curse you.

What did you think of the finale of RHOC?
Throwing drinks in faces is exactly how I expect these women to behave, so I'm a little perplexed as to why everyone got so worked up. 
I found the behavior quite fitting.
I can't wait for Donn's tell-all confessional at the reunion. I really hope he's ripping shit up Lake Havasu-style. Did she just dump D-papers on him with out a sit-down of any kind? 
Because that's what it sounded like...

Jeanna is a cow. 
(And cows make for trashtastic TV.)

And so is LuAnn, aka The Cuntess.
She brought the cunty back HARD 
in the final HouseHarem episode. 
Do you think her cuntiness was jet lagged and it took a while to catch up to real-time? And then it just effing EXPLODED all over everyone in a massive time-zone delayed bitch-fest?


That camel knew exactly what he was bucking off his hump.

And by the way, it's possible I'm more sad
 for Alex's communication skills
 than I am for my effed up laptop.
But at least Kelly is crazy again.
Who's going to fix her henna tat? Santa?
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssss.
Thank GAWD, now I can sleep at night.

Tomorrow the children and I are off
 to the Apple store to figure my laptop shit out.
And no, it's not going to be a cool, two-story,
glass-cube that leads to
 a subterranean nerd-explosion
 on 5th Avenue.
(Spoiled tech-hipster-dork-yuppies.)

We'll be going to our crappy-ass second-rate mall.
And I'll have to fight with them
 about why they can't stuff their faces at Cinnabon.
Awesome.

Damn kids.

11 comments:

  1. AnonymousJune 12, 2011

    I watched the RHONY last night and I am shocked. Luann could not have been nastier. If I was on that vacation I would have slapped her silly and shoved a kaftan in every hole she has! There could not be a more obnoxious bitch on the face of the earth. She loves to dish it out but can't take it at all. I wish her husband could leave her again just to humiliate her again. Ugh it makes me sick just thinking about it. As for Kelly, wtf, go off on a rant much? My tattoo is ruined get santa. Psycho! These women are horrific but I will keep watching so I guess that makes me worse.

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  2. UHGGGG!! That SUCKS-ASS!!!! I'm watching the tacky fall cocktail mess as I type and just LOVE the fact that cow-bag Va-Geena gets all wet with booze and has to walk home messy.See ya!! Thanks for stopping by! Hahahahahahhaha. You know she went home and binged on junk food. Get your shit fixed sister!! I need my girl in the East up and yakkin'

    oxoxoxo,
    Jen

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  3. p.s. I've finished all my Sunday chores and am hunkered down ready for the reunion part 1. BRING-IT-ON!

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  4. DAMN YOU, computer! I have been waiting for like EVER for your recap. Sigh. Thank God I have Gawker to tide me over til you get back on your feet. Cannot WAIT for reunion. I'll be thinking of you and your broke ass machine.

    mwah!
    Shan

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  5. SHE DID. I knew it. Poor Donn (who-I'm-sure-had-his-annoying-moments-as-a-husband-but-nothing-as-bad-as-Vicki blah blah blah) was served AT WORK. OUT OF THE MOTHER EFFING BLUE SKY. She said it had something to do with finances. My a$$.

    And yes Jen, as a born and bred New Englander I LOOOOOOOOOVED that they had tacky fake fall leaves at Vicki's faux grotto! Loved it. I also loved Tamra feeling Vicki up in order to keep her from crying about the husband that she effed over. Are her saggy old tire-rubber nipples some sort of emotional trigger?

    And Anon, LuMann was out of control in the last episode. WTF? Just when one group of them moves a little bit closer to NOT-clinically-insane, the other groups gets wacked out again. They're like my extended family: nobody ever has their shit together all at once...when one is up, the other's down...when one is hella tight, the other is sucking down moonshine and running some mad smack out of their backwoods pie-hole. And btw, Cindy "Joan Jett" Barshop is loosing her shine. I still can't stand Jill--even though she's doing a half-decent job of faking her way through changing into person who cares.

    I want a fancy kaftan. Don't you?

    This is it. This is what I've been reduced to: commenting on my own blog has become the only way I can actually blog. Humor me...let's get into this shit.

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  6. super sadsies about your computer :*( You can pay the small destroyers back by at the age of 70 announcing you will not be moving into a retirement home but instead moving in with them for the remainder of your fabulous days.

    Kelly is still bat-shit crazy. Thank the sweet lord.
    Cindy's blank stares are driving me crazy. I want to reach into the tv and shake her really hard just to make sure her eyeballs are, in fact, able to move freely around her head.

    Watched part 1 of the OC reunion last night. The oily shine coming off of Peggy's lubed and tanned legs nearly blinded me, but from what I was able to make out from behind my sunglasses it was fabulous.

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  7. Ya Habibi, get your shit fixed and come back already! Your lackeys need you. I had to resort to commenting on Alex's Bravo blog! HA! They didn't post it, of course. xo

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  8. Dude!!! WTF!!!?? I've tried to be patient and give you your space but this is RI-DONK-U-LESS!!!! The library has free internet use ya know!!

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  9. AnonymousJuly 01, 2011

    OMG... do we need to start a fundraiser to get you up and running again? I mean there is WAYYYYY too much going on and I desperately need you... i mean NY is finally heating up!

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  10. saggy old tire-rubber nipples.
    I just peed myself. Miss you tons.

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  11. Oh my gosh, check this out, from http://awards.tv.yahoo.com/blog/56-emmy-snubs-and-surprises.

    Which celeb would you like to see delivering fashion commentary on this year's red carpet?

    8% Snooki
    23% Daniel Tosh
    23% Kathy Griffin
    21% Carson Kressley
    20% RuPaul
    5% Countess LuAnn de Lesseps

    SNOOKI beat out the Countess!!! Money can't buy you class.

    xo

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Have at it darlings...