Tuesday, May 31, 2011

This weekend I think I got an inkling
 of what it may feel like to have a penis...

Now I know some of you are saying: oh Brassy! How could you?  Genitalia?  How vulgar. How far beyond the boundaries of decency and discretion that we've come to expect from you.

And to that I say: Fair enough. You are delicate flowers. Now go away.
(And I'm sorry in advance Mom.)
However penis envy is a legit disorder, and I think I have found a cure.

And PLEASE remove all thoughts and images of strap-ons from your dirty little minds.

Instead, allow me to introduce...

The Blue Clean Electric Power Washer.
$69.99 at your local hardware store.

It's powerful, fun, obviously phallic, and it shoots stuff.
It's awesome.

Buy it. It'll change your life.  

Now, what is the point of this post? 
(Beyond ridding the world of penis envy...or at the very least satisfying the curiosity of a whole bunch of women.)

It's to let you know that I haven't dropped off the face off the earth.

I'm working up a helluva recap for RHNY. I swear.
And by the way, I totally take back what I said about Morocco. Brilliance. Pure genius.
I'm holding off on recapping New Jersey until we're done with Orange County...I just can't recap three at once.
I can barely watch three at once.

Andy's GOT to learn how to play hard to get...but that's a post for another time.  

Although I will warn you: I'm already sick of Mama Bear Manzo's highly selective meddling ways.
I get it, she's got a good relationship with her kids. Her husband isn't a freak.
But if you're going to hang with Teresa Giudice, you've got to stow the sanctimony. Now.

But enough of NJ.
Why don't you have my RHNY recap in the palm of your grubby little cyber-paws?
And WHAT does any of this have to do with my beloved power washer?

Stay with me.

All weekend long, The Husband and I worked on the front our house.
We dug, we planted, we watered, we wheelbarrowed, we composted, and we mulched.

We also got on each others nerves...just a little.
We were tired. It was hot. And he dug a TON of holes. Like a cute little mole...or not.
And I planted things like an adorable hobbit from the shire.
We made a mess. A big, dirty, loamy mess.

And the Blue Clean Power Washer saved the day.
MAN! did it feel GOOD to fire that thing up.
I'm telling you, check one out if you ever can.
You'll know what I'm talking about with the whole penis thing...

...now meet the front.
For shizzle, welcome to our hizzle.
(Obviously I need some planters and junk to soften it up a bit).

 And yes, those are granite pavers laid in a herringbone pattern.
Pretty sweet huh? I did that myself last summer. Holla.
(Ignore the random hanging plant, pachysandra that I still need to put in,
the whiffle bat, and my dogs' asses).

Look at my blooming crab apple trees! Finally!
(I told you Spring takes a while to get here.)
And don't look at the scraggy grass...I'm getting on that.

So there you have it.
Another excuse.
Another promise for a killer recap...on which I usually deliver.
And another tiny little peek into my little, Brassy world.

I hope you had a fun, and productive, Memorial Day weekend.

And P.S.
I'm not watching Platinum Hit. 
I got enough of Jewel the first time around when she yammered about yodeling in Alaska when she was a little mini-Jewel,
 and then when she didn't shut up about living in her car when she was trying to make it.

I am watching Million Dollar Decorators.  And I can't effing wait!
Can you?
Are you watching?


  1. dude. power washing is. my. jam. I want to go door to door and peddle my services for free I love it so much. can't wait for your new york recap!! Morocco was maaadness.

  2. You have such a beautiful house! Morocco has been amazing so far on RHONY, is it mean that I can't wait for that scene where Ramona is crying on the bed? My friend who is a RHONY junkie and I have been reenacting it all weekend long!

  3. That's the cutest house I've seen in a LOOOOOONG time. And all that land? And trees?! Bitch pleeze...Snow or not, thems some nice digs. I want more dog photos. No ass this time.

  4. AnonymousJune 02, 2011

    The outside of your house is cleaner than the inside of my house. And that's all I have to say about that.

  5. Ooooh, I have intricate fantasies about power washing my deck. You are living the dream, Brassy!

    I have had it up to HERE with Caroline Manzo.


Have at it darlings...