Sunday, March 20, 2011

...can you tie 'em in a knot? ...can you tie 'em in a bow?

I've always rather enjoyed Susan Sarandon. I don't love her, I don't hate her.  She's obviously a more than decent actress, has been around forever, and looks phenomenal...I'm not going to throw in the much-expected for her age because that bullshit disclaimer has always pissed me off. There's also the for a mother, which is equally enraging.
  
Anyboobs, Ms. Sarandon appears to have a brain in her head and a life beyond acting. Kudos. The few times I've heard her talk she sounded fairly intelligent, a little sanctimonious and preachy but she was shacking up with Tim Robbins for ages and that shit is bound to rub off.  Speaking of...I always kind of dug that she snatched him right out of the playpen of the Bull Durham on-set daycare.  Good for you Suze. There was a time when they were considered something of an anomaly because of their age difference and for not marrying. But these days nobody cares about that kind of domestic tomfoolery. They recently split up and she started dating a NYC-based ping-pong guru 30-something years her junior...but I don't really care about that either.

But I'll tell you what I discovered I do care about...


These.

Are you seeing what I'm seeing? Don't you feel it only polite to avert your eyes? Based on my initial reaction to this picture it turns out I care tremendously about the manner in which she displays her wrack. I did not know that about myself. What the slinky-tits is she thinking?!? Have mercy on my eyeballs and that structurally challenged dress, and cover that junk up, please Susan. Please. And another thing, where the hell are her nipples? Shouldn't they have appeared by now? An areola at the very least.

Obviously Ms. Sarandon is a rather tall, thin woman who was also blessed with a chest. The trifecta. She's got that gangly/googly thing going, but it really works for her. I bet she has beautiful hands with long, thin fingers.  Her skin is killer...for any age. I mean, look at that decolletage?! And her neck? Perfect; you can't botox away a waddle. Maybe there's a little injectable of some-sort in her, but not much.  Mamacita stayed out of the sun looong before it was fashionable, or smart.  And that face, forget about it. But all her good luck with God and the time she put in with the SPF and wide-brim hats, is lost in that Kilamanjaro-sized avalanche of boobage.


Am I wrong to expect more from her? She appears to be a fairly political and civic minded individual. Hasn't she been to Darfur...or someplace tragic where she's tried to make things right? I don't know why, but I guess I feel that having a social conscience and a decent world view means that you don't display your tube-boobs.  Did I just invert judging a book by it's cover? I'm all fired up and turned around. My apologies.


Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating she alter her physical appearance...but she should absolutely alter that effing dress.  That's just inappropriate, irresponsible, willy-nilly styling.  I'm not going to waste my time nor yours with the all shapes and sizes are beautiful spiel.  At this point it should be understood: we are who we are, so enjoy it and work with what you've got. And Susan Sarandon has plenty to work without dangling Thelma & Louise in my face.


slinkies
globes






teardrops


cutlets


mosquito bites







bygones
      
Okay, I'm done now.


7 comments:

  1. I think I might have nightmares from that picture! Great title. WTF was she thinking ?!?!?!?!

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  2. I enjoyed this post TREMENDOUSLY. The "gangly/googly thing going" You're speaking my language, mama. Dangly/gangly/googly, even!

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  3. Yikes! That picture is embarrassing, love your take on this, cracks me up!

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  4. um, this is amazing, keep the posts coming!

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  5. You have once again made my day.

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  6. ....and with that, I'm officially following...

    merci!
    Shannan

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  7. Thank you for bringing this to our attention. I think that you can judge a cover by its book, sometimes. Dudn't mean that you're right... but you can judge.

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Have at it darlings...